To Emma by John Keats

With love-looking eyes, and with voice sweetly bland.  

O come, dearest Emma! the rose is full blown,

And the riches of Flora are lavishly strown,

The air is all softness, and crystal the streams, 

And the West is resplendently clothed in beams.

 

We will hasten, my fair, to the opening glases,

The quaintly carved seats, and the freshening shades,

Where the faeries are chanting their evening hymns,

And in the last sunbeam the sylph lightly swims.

 

And when thou art weary I'll find thee a bed

Of mosses and flowers to pillow thy head;

There, beauteous Emma, I'll sit at thy feet, 

While my story of love I enraptured repeat.

 

So fondly I'll breathe and so softly I'll sigh,

Though wilt think that some amorous Zephyr is nigh -

Ah, no! - as I breathe, I will press thy fair knee,

And then thou wilt know that the sigh comes from me.

 

Then why, lovely girl, should we lose all these blisses?

That mortal's a fool who such happiness misses.

So smile acquiescence, and give me thy hand,

With love-looking eyes, and with voice sweetly bland. 

My brain, heart and soul are filled with so many fluttering thoughts and words that hardly connect - there seems no time to focus on one thought long enough.
There seems to be so much going on around me. It's Wednesday, a week exactly before I graduate from six years at high school.
It is hard to comprehend everything that is happening. There is so much to do, to buy and to feel.
The last extension english class. But it's undoubtful that I will see Mrs M again. There seems to be, more than ever, things to discover and learn.
We watched Pandaemonium in class today. The relationship between Coleridge and Wordsworth. It amazes me. Both of them individually inspire me - its hard to comprehend what they mean to me together. Sometimes, like now, I wonder whether this world - this time - was right for me. Whether the untouched beauties were mine to discover. How jealous I am of those who were able to! Perhaps there are things for me to discover?
I have, of course, got my book to work on. I'm not sure whether I've told you about it before, Kitty. I'm writing one on Princess Alice, the daughter of QV but mother to TA. Perfect. I really believe she's the perfect person to start my career as a historian on.
A few weeks ago I know I wrote about wanting to see The Young Victoria five times at the movies. I know next week is the last week it is showing, and I've seen it FOUR times. Once more I believe. I think I shall achieve my goal.

Love's Secret

William Blake

Never seek to tell thy love,

Love that never told can be;

For the gentle wind doth move

Silently, invisibly.

I told my love, I told my love,

I told her all my heart,

Trembling, cold in ghastly fears.

Ah! she did depart!

Soon afterwards she was gone from me,

A traveller came by,

Silently, invisibly:

He took her with a sigh.

Thoughts from the 21st century:

1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
4. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
6. That’s enough, Nickelback.
7. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
8. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
10. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
11. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
12. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. - Out of all 62 of these things, this one definitely describes me the most.
13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
15. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
18. Was learning cursive really necessary?
19. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
22. My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.
23. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
24. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”
27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
33. I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”
34. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
35. Bad decisions make good stories
36. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
37. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
38. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
39. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
40. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
41. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
42. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
43. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
44. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
45. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
48. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
52. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
54. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
55. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
56. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
57. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
58. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
59. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
60. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
61. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
62. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner

"Today I was driving by the lake and I saw a Jeep full of guys pass me. They were hanging out the windows and the sunroof, paddling with canoe paddles, and singing "Just Around the Riverbend" from Pocahontas. It easily may have been the coolest thing I've seen, ever. (MLIA)"

whitepajamas and i have watched 'twilight' at least eight times.

but never with sound, because the bookshop/cafe we have lunch in insists on playing it non-stop all day on mute.

our substitute dialogue is better.
it makes no sense, but it’s better.

“THE SECRET TO BEING A WRITER IS THAT YOU HAVE TO WRITE. IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO THINK ABOUT WRITING OR TO STUDY LITERATURE OR PLAN A FUTURE LIFE AS AN AUTHOR. YOU REALLY HAVE TO LOCK YOURSELF AWAY, ALONE, AND GET TO WORK.”

AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS

Reading old diaries. It’s a become a ritual, especially on the occasions I’m infrequently home, or late nights filled with an emptiness, where nothing else seems to matter. So, I turn to the past. Retrospective and reminiscing, the silliness of an old version of myself, many old versions in colorful sizes and formats. There’s the pink Juicy Couture journal, with its thick gold embossed pages holding all the secrets of my first real romance. There’s the interchangeable slew of cute Asian notebooks with broken English and adorable designs. There are the trusty moleskins, with cramped writing crawling up the pages with endless aspirations, fears and stories and stories.

Stacks and stacks of notebooks (my love of stationery probably doesn’t help this quick turnover rate of angsty journals) with days, months and years of life fitted inside. Each revisit of these old stories is quite a different feeling. There is relief, of course, that I’m no longer the trapped, fearful, naive girl I once was. That I’m no longer undergoing the hell that was high school, San Diego. There is a sense of bitter-sweet nostalgia. Those stories of the past meant so much at the time, after all. And then there is this inescapable fluttering sense of loss.

Like the joy that used to come with every little experience, every night spent away from home, every day in some familiar but far off destination. Or the simple happiness that rushed in after finishing a horrible school assignment, the butterflies from a glance of a crush. It was so painfully complex, but now complicated is the expected, simplicity is impossible.

Perhaps this is how it’s meant to be, this evolution, this habituation, so that the little things that used to inspire blissful exhilaration now, at most, inspires a small smile, or some resigned acceptance. And always, striving for something greater, bigger, some adventure and excitement that exceeds the past, some explosive surreal dream that turns my life into another fantasy.

Someday this pile of notebooks and journals will turn into a massive box of them, pages and pages of daily life, endless pages in scrawling handwriting telling stories that I can’t tell, feelings I no longer remember, faces I’ve long lost. For now they remind me of the incredible changes that occur in just a year, six months, a summer. And I wonder how much more can possibly happen in just a week, a month, a year.

The blank pages ahead voice their excitement.

Do you keep a journal? Read diaries of years past?

Josh Lawson in a Harry Potter robe

jocelynseip:

I nearly died

He is a spunk of a man

JOSH LAWSON!

• Dewey Finn:  You, Freddy, what do you like to do?
• Freddy:  I dunno.
•  [pause]
• Freddy:  Burn stuff?

“Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before. Try and keep that feeling, ‘cause if it goes, you’ll never get it back……..Then you lay waste to the world, and everything in it”

— Cassie Ainsworth, Skins

Cassie, I’m shit with words. Everything comes out so.. crap. But, I’ve been doing some thinking, and everything is getting clearer. The thing is, Cass, I’ve woken up this morning and the sun’s shining through the window and it’s making me think of you. Cassie, it’s not right you hiding away in that clinic. You’ve got to get out in the world. Cassie, I don’t care if you think you’re odd. Because I feel like singing when I see you. And you’re beautiful. And I’ve been a fucking chapstick these past few weeks, and all I want to do this morning is sit on top of Brandon hill and hold you and tell you how wonderful you are, and.. I love you.

— Sid

i'm seeing "inglourious basterds" today. again. for the fifth time.

i like to think of myself as “enthusiastic” rather than “pathetic to the nth degree”

---> this is what I want to do with "The Young Victoria" 

"Oh, very good,” interrupted Snape, his lip curling. “Yes, it is easy to see that nearly six years of magical education have not been wasted on you, Potter. ‘Ghosts are transparent’"

Today was a really magical day. It amazed me. Firstly, I woke and went to the dentist - running down the steps quickly to catch the train - and I got my braces off. I look totally weird but the comments that I received today were very kind. Then I came back to school, after buying a moleskin journal at gordon, and had a lesson with my history extension teacher and Maddy, even Mr E said I looked nice which was very sweet. 

Then I had a free, where I did absolutely nothing except talk about Nicky, Alice, Alexandra. About my book. Then we flew to modern, got two lollipops and received our marks for our trials back. I got 72 % - very happy because I was expecting much less. 

Then Ellie drove me to St Ives shops, we got our usual starbucks cookies, and we parted - she went home and I went to the bus. I caught the bus to gordon, and the train from gordon to roseville. Where I walked happily and amused past the wonderful gardens at roseville station and the wedding shop until I reached the roseville cinema. Inside I watched the most wonderful film - THE YOUNG VICTORIA. I cannot wait to buy it on DVD. I think I'll ask for it for Christmas. It was really beautiful.

Instead of going home, I caught the train back to gordon, went to the library and looked in the Victoria and Albert section, and the literature section. I got a nice collection of books. A biography on Albert, Royal Children, a CD reading of The Tempest, a book of Shakespeare's soliloquies and a book of Wordsworth poems. 

Came back home to find we had internet after nearly a month without it. 

Planning to continue reading: A Vindication of the Rights of Women by Mary Wollstonecraft and The Reader tonight. And also flipping through my new books. I have already read enough of The Painted Veil today (although I desperately don't want to put it down). 

Planning to: continue writing my transcript, continue writing my new creative writing, reading modern homework and finishing my Thutmose III essay. 

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t to forget make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”